Quick Snack Fix: What Reese’s Doesn’t Want You to Know

Picture it. New York. 2009. It’s midnight and you have a major snack attack. Ok, so if you live in Manhattan, chances are you can just go out and get whatever it is you want, because you can. However, if you live in any of the other boroughs, and some of the neighborhoods get rough after 8pm, you don’t really have that option since the stores don’t stay open longer than necessary. Here’s a quick fix for a sweet tooth without having to leave your apartment.

These are some snack components you should always have on hand:

• A box of graham crackers
• Peanut butter
• A bag of chocolate chips
• A bag of Tostitos
• A jar of salsa
• An avocado and 2 limes – so you can make my guacamole
• A bag of marshmallows – keep them in a zip lock bag to keep them soft

See that list above? Right away you can make s’mores, chips & two dips and graham crackers with peanut butter and chocolate chips. Already your scale is crying out for mercy. I can hear it from here. For this segment I’ll show you how to make the peanut butter thing.

Step 1: Bag, jar and box

And that's really all you need here. Take out one of the graham cracker sheets and slather on the peanut butter. Sprinkle as many chocolate chips as you want on it.

Eat it.


See how easy that was?

The Salad Bar #2: Salmon and Spinach Salad

This recipe is so simple that my cat can make it. Or make off with the fish anyway. You wouldn't believe the amount of yowling I get from these two whenever I bring a slice of fish in the house. Moving on... You won't need much for this dish and if you have a microwave it's even easier.

What you need:

• a large bowl for the salad
• a small bowl or cup for the dressing
• a fork
  
• microwave or frying pan

if microwave:

• a bowl with a cover or some wax paper (you can get this from the grocery store)
• a fork

if frying pan:

• a pair of tongs

Ingredients:

• salmon (about 4 oz per person)
• spinach (bagged is fine, if you can get baby spinach even better)
• 1 lemon
• 2 tablespoons or less olive oil
• 1 small shallot
• salt & pepper

Step 1: Something's fishy...

But when you go into a fish shop or seafood section of the grocery store, it better not be. I head to the fish shop around the corner from my place. I NEVER buy fish from a super market unless there is a counter where I can see and smell the fish. Getting "fresh" fish wrapped in plastic can be a tragedy because you can't smell it before you get it home. Fish should not have a strong smell. It should smell fresh and slightly, slightly fishy. If you walk into a fish store and your nose goes "Holy Carp!" get outta there. The place should be clean and free of funk. Whole Foods, the Market at Grand Central, and the Chelsea Market Place are expensive but reputable. Go there and smell the area. Look I know it sounds weird, but you'll learn what fresh fish is supposed to smell like. Then if you're REALLY adventurous (and live alone) leave a slice of fish in your fridge for about a week or more, open a window and then unwrap it. DO NOT EAT THIS! The smell alone will knock you back three feet. This is BAD fish. You don't want this and you don't want shellfish that smells like a beach gone rotten.


Step 2: Choose your weapon...I mean, slice.

If it's just you for dinner, 4oz (ounces) of fish is the RDA serving size. If you have a friend or two, you want to get about 4oz per person. Now that you know a good fish shop from grim death, ask the guy/girl behind the counter for a salmon fillet of 4oz.

You might see something called salmon steak. This is good with a baked potato and a side of broccoli but not mixed in as a salad. For this recipe you want salmon fillet. After you make this recipe, if you feel like 4oz is not enough, increase it to 5oz. But remember, you don't want to overload yourself with fish. It's a salad after all, not all you can eat night at Ralph's Pier.


Step 3: To nuke or to fry, that is the question

This is where you "choose your own adventure" so to speak. If you decide to use the stove top, you'll need a frying pan and a spatula or a good pair of tongs. If you have a spatter guard (big round screen with a handle) even better. If not, grab the tin foil.

Frying: Put the pan on medium heat. Give it a minute to warm up or your fish will stick to it like Paris Hilton to a bottle of gin. You don't need oil for this because salmon is a very oily fish, but they're good oils. Omega-3's mostly and other stuff I'll explain later. Hold your hand just over the pan. If it feels hot (not warm -- hot), put the fish skin side down to start. You might want to cover it with your tin foil. Salmon tends to splatter a lot. After about three or so minutes, you should see the edged start to pink up. At this point, take your spatula and flip the fish over. The faster you do this the better, but don't fling it across the room. If you scoop and flip slow you risk it falling apart in the pan. If it comes apart don't sweat it. You'll be breaking it up anyway.

Microwave: This uses similar principals. Get a microwave safe bowl. You can use a plate but a Tupperware or a bowl with a paper cover or non metallic, microwave safe lid is much better. Remember - splatter fish. You can use a glass Pyrex bowl with a plate covering it. About 3 minutes on high, check it and then add more time if needed. You really need to cook the fish all the way through. It's not a sashimi salad.


Step 4: Strong to the finish

About the spinach. Get the bagged spinach - it's just easier. But if you're an eco-freak (and we could use more of your kind) and buy your greens from teh farmer's market, then make sure you clean the green thoroughly! Soak the spinach in cold water, drain, rinse, soak again. Do this a few times until you don't see any sand in the sink, colander or bowl that it's being cleaned in. Break off any tough stems. Baby spinach is very tender, so you don't need to break the stems.

A word about spinach. Remember how mom always said, "Eat your spinach, it's good for you." Yeah, she wasn't being very forthcoming, especially to the men. If you eat too much spinach you can get kidney stones. How much is too much? As long as you stick to once every two weeks, you'll be fine. Even once a week is ok. Spinach is technically good for you since it is high in calcium, vitamin k and other important nutrients.

Remember that balance is key here. A range of food will keep you healthy. If kidney stones are still a worry or you've had them in the past, grab some unfiltered, unsweetened cranberry juice and cut an ounce of that with 7oz of water and get to guzzling. Vitamin C, which cranberries are loaded with, breaks up any stones or potential stones in your system.


Step 5: Dressing your salad, because it's cold on the counter

Get a small bowl or cup for the dressing. Mince up a small shallot. If you can't find shallots, half a small onion will do. You don't want to overload it with onion though. Squeeze out the lemon juice into the bowl. Make sure your get the seeds out. The last thing you need is to lose a filling. Put in a pinch of salt & pepper and about a tablespoon of olive oil. Mix it up with a fork. Taste it. If you think it needs a little more of any of the ingredients, add the extra slowly and keep tasting. When you get it to the way you like it, set it aside.


Step 6: Putting it all together

Grab a sizable bowl and add the spinach and some of the dressing. Toss it with the tongs. Get the fish from the pan or the microwave and mash it up. If you can get the skin out, do so. Take the salmon mash and toss it into the salad with the tongs. Add a touch more of the dressing while you're tossing. Taste it. If it's dressed to your liking, bon appetite!

Pasta: Penne with Sausage & Peppers

Serves 4 to 6
(depending on who’s eating and how well you made it)

When you come from a New York borough OTHER than Manhattan, it’s pronounced sawsage ‘n’ pepezz. If you never heard of the other boroughs that make up New York City, then you’re a noob and you really need to get out more. And by the way, wandering over to Canal Street after 5 pm doesn’t improve your NYC street cred either. Get a metro card and get on the Q, loser.


Now on with it:

What you’ll need:
• A pot big enough for a box of pasta
• A colander
• A big frying/sauce pan
• Tongs (these make things so much easier)
• A sharp knife
• A cutting board

Ingredients:
• 1 box of penne (or your favorite cut f pasta – they all taste the same)
• 4 – 6 sausage links (about 1 ½ lbs) sweet or hot – your preference
• 2 – 3 small peppers any color
• 2 cloves garlic minced
• ½ small onion diced
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• salt & pepper to taste
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1 tsp basil (or small handful of fresh basil)

I came up with this recipe when I saw a commercial for Italian sausage. They didn’t give the recipe. I just figured it out from the picture. When you know what flavors go together you can do stuff like that. For right now, don’t.

First things first: fill your pot half way with water, add about 2 tsps salt and put it on a back burner on high for a rolling boil. Keep an eye and ear out while you’re prepping the other ingredients.


Step 1: Choppin’ broccoli! Choppin broccolaaaaaah…well not really

Mince up the garlic and chop up the onion. For those of you who need a refresher course – take the flat side of the knife, place it over the garlic clove and hit it hard with the palm of your hand. The papery outside will come right off. It’s ok if the clove is squashed, you’re gonna mince it up into itty bitty pieces anyway.

Cut the top and tail off the onion. Cut the onion in half and take off the first outer later. I only use half a small onion. The other can be foiled or plastic wrapped for another use. That’ll keep for a week or so.

Wash and pull the seed …uh….plug out from the peppers. I don’t know what they call it ok? It looks like a seed plug, get over it. Slice up the peppers fairly thin, like shoe string fries. I know it looks like a lot, but when you cook them, they’ll soften up and shrink.

I sliced the sausages up into 1 inch chunks. You can leave them whole if you like, but you need to cook them through before adding anything else to the pan. The way I did it is much easier actually.


Step 2: Fryer in the hole

Yes, pasta all tastes the same the only difference is texture. People who say spaghetti tastes different from fusilli are morons. Why? Because both cuts are made with the same ingredients, genius. Moving on.

Check your water to see if it’s boiling. If it is, add the whole box of penne and time 8 minutes at least. If not, wait. Heat the oil on medium and put in a little bit of the onion. When that starts to sizzle and bubble, throw the rest of the onion in and stir it around for about 2 minutes or so until they get clear. If they’re browning, turn the heat down a bit. You don’t want them brown and you don’t want your oil to smoke.

Add the garlic and sauté for a minute. A add the peppers and sausage. Use the tongs to give them a toss through the onion and garlic. Let the heat brown the meat and wilt the peppers, tossing with the tongs now and then so they cook fairly evenly.

Check your pasta. Hopefully you didn’t forget about it like a middle child. If the 8 minutes are up pour it into the colander and let it drain. And for the last time, you do NOT need these gimmicky pasta makers from the shopping network. Any idiot can do this in spite of the black & white dramatization sequences and dorky white people.


Step 3: Shake, rattle and bowl

After the peppers are soft and the meat is brown, add the drained pasta. Toss again with the tongs and add the oregano, basil, pepper and salt. Go easy on the salt! You already salted the water for the pasta and the sausages have salt in them as well. Unless you want to end up with kidney failure, you shouldn’t be adding too much salt to anything. Toss, toss, toss to make sure the seasoning is mixed well.

If you are using fresh basil as opposed to dried, tear up the washed leaves and add in at the last minute. You can also drizzle a little more extra virgin olive oil over it, but really that’s just gilding the lily.

The Pasta Sauce That Made Me Famous: Or Should Have…..

You want it? You got it! This is my family recipe for damn good tomato sauce. Actually it’s more of a pizzaola sauce, but it’s still damn good. Ever go to a restaurant and order spaghetti and meatballs, only to be disappointed by the sauce, or the pasta, or everything? Well now you don’t have to suffer! I’ll admit, when I’m totally tired after a long day at work, I’ll pop open a jar of good sauce, but if you make this in advance and freeze it you’ll only be a few minutes of defrosting away from a great meal.

What you’ll need:

• big pot – and I mean that
• sharp knife
• cutting board
• a wooden spoon or whatever you have to stir (metal not that great)

Ingredients:

• 1 large can of diced tomatoes (pureed tomatoes if you don’t like chunky sauce)
• 1 small can of Hunts tomato sauce
• 1 medium onion
• 2-3 cloves of garlic (you can use less if you want)
• Olive oil
• 1 bay leaf
• Oregano
• Basil (*tips for using fresh)
• Salt
• Pepper
• 1 tsp sugar to cut the acidity

Step 1: Mince, dice, nice

Before you get going: Put the pot on the stove and open any cans of tomatoes and tomato products you’ll be using. This way you won’t burn your onions while struggling to open a can.

Take the onion, slice off the top and bottom, slice in half and remove the outer papery skin. Slice up both halves and then mince what you got. Set the onion aside when it is in itty-bitty pieces. Take the garlic cloves and lay them out on the cutting board. Place the flat side of the knife on top of one of the cloves and smash it with the palm of your hand. The papery coat should slide right off. Don’t worry if you mashed it into the cutting board, you’re gonna mince it up anyway. And on that note, mince the garlic cloves and set aside.

Step 2: Some clarification please?

Turn the heat to medium and add about a tablespoon of olive oil to your pot. Put a small piece of the minced onion directly in the oil. When that baby starts to bubble and sizzle, throw the rest of the onion in and start stirring with your wooden spoon. You can use a cooking grade plastic spoon if you want but try to stay away from metal. There’s a chance that it will scratch your cookware and don’t forget that metal conducts heat. In laymen’s terms: you gone get burnt.

Push the onion around until you see it starting to get kind of translucent. This takes a bout 3 minutes and no you can’t stop stirring. If you do, or your heat is too high, you’ll get caramelized onions and if that’s the case you might as well but away the pasta and fry up a steak. After about 3 min, throw in the garlic and keep tossing it about. Burned garlic is bitter garlic.

Step 3: Can, Can?

Add in your tomatoes (diced or crushed) and your tomato sauce. Stir things up and turn the burner on high to bring it to a boil.

CAUTION!!!!! Tomato sauce splatters when it boils. It will splatter on you. You should never cook in clothes you care about because crap always happens. Buy an apron: http://www.cafepress.com/ucantcook.265130814# and by the way, this is seriously the least you could do after all the teaching I’ve been doling out here.

When it starts to boil, you’ll know this by the tomato explosions you’ll be dodging, turn the heat back down to medium and let it simmer. If you’re making pasta at the same time, go you! And you can use the pasta water to thin out the sauce if it’s too thick. Remember: less is more, you can always add but it’s harder to take away.

Step 4: The spice is right

Season with the (1) bay leaf, (2 tsp) oregano, (1 tsp) basil, (1/4 tsp – pinch) salt and (1 tsp) pepper. Taste it. If it’s too sour or tangy, add a little sugar to make it sweeter. It shouldn’t be candy like Olive Garden or Chef-Boy-R-Dee. Rob likes it acidic and so do I so I seldom add the sugar. Let it simmer for about 30 minutes. After this turn the heat to low and when you’re ready to eat, spoon it up.

If you are using fresh basil: Take about 4 leaves of basil, wash lightly, stack one on top of the other and roll into a cigarette shape. Take your knife and slice it up. Add this at the very end so it keeps its green look. Also, fresh basil is very fragrant so you don’t need to throw it in with the other herbs. Dressing the dish when it’s just about to be served will give you enough flavor.

Freezing: You can freeze this in a sizable Tupperware and it should be good for about a month or so. If you keep it in the fridge it will spoil in a week since there are no preservatives. A bit of a thaw in the microwave or on the stove top is really all you need to defrost it, and you can do this while you’re making your pasta.

Homemade Salsa: SALSA!

Sure it’s easy to get a jar of salsa and a bag of chips and demolish the whole thing. We’ve all done that at some point. But what happens when you run out and it’s 2am and all you have are three tomatoes and an onion. Make your own! Lemmie tell ya, you make this and you’re eating the whole thing. And it’s healthy! Just be careful how many corn chips you eat with it.

What you’ll need:

• A bowl
• A sharp knife
• A cutting board
• A juicer or reamer or a thumb with no cuts on it

Ingredients

• 1 garlic clove
• 1 small onion
• 3-4 medium sized tomatoes (I use heirloom)
• 1 small avocado (optional)
• 1 lime
• salt
• cilantro

Step 1: Chop til you drop

Roughly chop the tomatoes, garlic and onion and toss it all into a sizeable bowl.

You NEED a sharp knife for this. I don’t want you torturing a tomato for half an hour because you’re using a dull blade. Get a knife sharpener from Bed Bath & Beyond, they cost 10 bucks, or turn the electric can opener around. It usually has one in the back. Don’t be a cheap ass.


Step 2: Juicy couture

Shut up. Cut the lime in half and juice it. If you don’t have a juicer or a reamer this is what you do. Make a fist. Extend your thumb and the first finger knuckle a bit til they’re aligned. Put half the lime on your thumb, push and twist. Isn’t evolution grand? And for you creationists, if god was so clever he would have made it a lot harder for idiots to procreate. Foiled again.


Step 3: Avocado…isn’t that an Italian lawyer?

L'avvocato is the Italian word for lawyer. When I was learning Italian I noticed that avocado and l’avvocato looked a lot alike. And since one good fruit deserves another... Take your sharp knife and sink the blade into the fruit until it hits the pit. Rotate the fruit around the pit, remove the knife and twist both halves of the fruit in opposite directions. Take the knife and hit the pit with the blade, twist and remove the pit. Don’t worry I’ll post a video of all of this. If the avocado is not quite ripe, the pit isn’t going to come out easily, so just be aware of that. It’ll still taste ok, unless it’s really not ripe. To find a ripe one, pick it up and if there is a bit of give when you squeeze it, you’re good. You don’t want a rock and you don’t want mush. For you heavy-handed types, now would be a good time to learn self control.

You can do this one of two ways: scoop out the inside of the avocado with a spoon and chop it up, or score the inside with a small knife making cubes and scoop out.


Step 4: Mix it baby!

Now that you have all of these great fruits and vegetables and juices in a bowl, mix it up adding in some fresh (or frozen) chopped cilantro and just enough salt to bring out the flavors. Remember to go easy on the salt if you’re eating this with corn ships, since the chips are already quite salty.

And don’t bother storing leftovers. There won’t be any.