What you need:
- an oven (you really can’t use the microwave for this one)
- a cookie sheet (disposable is fine – recycle it)
- a box of graham crackers
- Hershey’s chocolate bars (the only time I’ll tell you to get Hershey’s)
- a bag of marshmallows
Step 1: Ovens on broil!
The oven should have broil setting somewhere on the stovetop area where the dials are. If it doesn’t, then you have an old ass oven and you’re SOL. Put the broil setting to low. Yes, low. This is another one of those things you have to watch before it burns your house down. If you don’t like babysitting fire, maybe you shouldn’t be playing with it in the first place.
Step 2: Try not to eat the graham crackers
Most graham crackers have a little perforation line somewhere on the front. Find this and, as best you can, snap the cracker so you have two squares instead of a long rectangle. Even I have trouble with this sometimes. Don’t just throw it out if it’s not perfect. It still tastes the same! Eat that one and go onto the next if it’s too messed up. This is not an excuse to eat all the crackers.
Place them on the cookie sheet. Get the chocolate.
Step 3: Try not to eat the chocolate
Unwrap the chocolate. Yes I need to mention this – don’t ask. Break off about two to three of the small rectangle segments and place them on the graham crackers. Now, you can put chocolate on all of them and have open-faced s’mores or cover half and have a s’more sandwich. Either way is fine.
Step 4: Try not to eat the marshmallows
For each gram cracker with chocolate, put a marshmallow. There is a trick to this. Cut the marshmallows you’re going to use in half and place both parts on the choco-graham. This way it will melt better and toast up very nicely.
Step 5: 2 to 4 minutes in the oven NO MORE!
Wait. Don’t tell me. Let me guess. You were the kind of kid who loved to ignite your marshmallow, watching it turn into a flaming mass of a burning sugar fireball, then blow it out and crunch on the charcoal mess (Rob: yup, that’s me.). I bet you made mom proud, but you’ll make me shake my head and call you moron if you do it this time. Don’t be a retard! When you slide the cookie sheet with the s’mores into the oven, you better wait with it, checking every 60 seconds to make sure it’s not on fire. If you set it on fire, you will be dubbed Sir Ass-head of the Retard People and your neighbors, the fire department and probably your landlord will want you drawn and quartered.
THOU SHALL NOT BROIL MORE THAN FOUR MINUTES!!!!!!
Another warning: make more than you think you need if you have roommates or company. Everyone says, “No I don’t want any” at first, but when they smell them it doesn’t matter how “weight conscience” your girl/boyfriend is, they’ll have one, or two, or three (Rob: that’s me too…).