U Can't Cook: But I Can Teach You

Movin to Wordpress

2011-05-30T16:39:00.002-04:00

Hey Everybody, We're movin to wordpress. Why? I like the cool crap you get when you manage the blog and the themes are more polished as well. Look for new posts at: ucantcook.wordpress.com

Steel Cut Oats: The Short Version

2010-12-13T19:20:00.002-05:00

I like oatmeal. So does Rob. I know how to cook it. So does Rob. I always make steel cut oatmeal. Rob pulls a Houdini and I end up busting my ass over a hot stove for 45 minutes while those little oaty bastards make up there mind about how quick they're gonna finish cooking. Now that I have picked a fight with oatmeal and checked off my list another inanimate object with which to yell at, I'll

Quesadillas and Guacamole: without that stupid machine

2010-06-07T16:21:00.001-04:00

I know some of you have seen those quesadilla makers. I know you felt compelled to buy one. I also know that this would be a stupid waste of money. Seriously guys, if you want to throw your money away, you might as well make the check out to me right now. Thanks to my new phone I also take all major credit cards, except Discover. Listen people, you DON'T need to get every gadget on "Buy Me Now"

Keeping Basil Fresh: with out the tatoo, earring and surly expression

2010-04-25T14:34:00.001-04:00

Get it? Fresh? You guys suck.... I like fresh basil but sometimes you get this stuff home from the store and it's either wilted, wilts by the next day or has brown patches all over it. This herb is pretty delicate, so unless you're planning on having a little pot of it growing on a sunny window sill, you're gonna have to get creative. Let's face it guys, most of us live in cities where we're

Egg Preparation Series: Poached Eggs

2010-03-22T23:45:00.001-04:00

I know, "long time comin'." Yeah shut up. For all you 'peeps' (teehee) who can't poach an egg, here you go! Video proof that it can be done without a million bits of equipment or a piece of plastic you have to nuke. What you need: small pot slotted spoon small bowl one sheet of paper towel Ingredients: eggs salt (or vinegar) Step 1: Simmer down now Get over it 'Legs. So you have your small

Filet Mignon: a quick & dirty how to

2010-03-20T10:14:00.001-04:00

The person who inspired me to start U Can't Cook has done it again. What has she done? Messed up dinner that's what and I know she's not alone. Have we seriously become such a take out nation that the simple act of frying up a steak is equivalent to completing the Friday New York Times cross word? What you need: frying pan tongs or spatula Ingredients: filet Mignon Step 1: Heat the pan

Soup's On: Minestrone – How ya doin'?

2010-03-04T18:00:00.000-05:00

Note: This is a long and semi-advanced recipe. I plan on making this into a video blog entry in the near future. Appearing on my blog, by special request, is the soup that started it all! When I started cooking I insisted that my mother teach me how to make this soup. This is the stuff that I ran home for. I broke dates, canceled meetings and took rain checks to get this soup. It's an Italian

Roasted Herb Potatoes: It's a secret to everybody.

2010-03-03T10:35:00.003-05:00

Restaurants make this look hard. It's not. In fact it's pretty easy once you know how to do it. The hardest thing I've ever had to deal with is mom coming by, snagging pieces before I set them on the tables and then yelping "Ow it's hot!" Really genius? Just out of a 400 degree oven and this is a surprise? I know they're good but wait a few minutes! What you'll need: oven safe dish (I used a

Quick Tip: Pork Chop Solution

2010-02-20T12:21:00.001-05:00

Pork chops always coming out dry? Try wrapping them in bacon and pan searing on medium high heat. It's a change from shake n bake, which I have seen become an epic fail in the wrong hands. You know who you are....

Egg Preparation Series: Scrambled Eggs

2010-02-15T15:19:00.002-05:00

When I first started cooking, scrambled eggs was my most used recipe. It didn't become edible until after a few tries. Hey I was 12 years old, give me a break. Scrambled eggs might be easy to make, but they are just a easy to mess up. Most common fails are too runny, too dry or flavorless. Below I'll give you the written recipe and method. I'll also link to the video so that you can see how

Epic Food Fail: This is Why Size Matters

2010-02-11T23:42:00.002-05:00

I realize that most men who have just read the title have broken out in a cold sweat. Relax, I'm not talking about you, ego maniac. Size matters in cooking, no matter what she tells you. If your pot, pan, crock pot, whatever is too small for what you're about to put in it, you could be in trouble. I'll explain. This story takes place back before my husband and I were married. His grandparents

I have Chicken!.......Now what?

2010-02-11T15:17:00.001-05:00

I don't know why people look at chicken with this mystical expression, but they do. I'm sorry but I must say that cooking chicken isn't exactly the same as finding the Holy Grail. Look people, chicken is NOT complicated. Sure if you don't cook it well you could get food poisoning and puke for a week but hey, no risk no reward! Relax, you're in good hands. Breaded Chicken Cutlet In a different

Feel like Indian food? Suvir Saran has you covered!

2010-02-04T12:53:00.002-05:00

Suvir Saran, chef, author and NYC restaurateur, is the brain behind my favorite lentil dish. My husband and I have visited his restaurants many times and own his book Indian Home Cooking. This is a wonderful book full of delicious recipes that a home cook at any level can replicate. Even if you only get this book for the pictures, it's a purchase you'll appreciate for a long time. We must have

Video Entry: Basic Skills: How to Chop Carrots

2010-01-27T21:39:00.000-05:00

Bumm-ba-DUUUM!!!! The first UCC video is now live! Woo! Excitement, fan fare and less spelling errors! Yes friends it's the moment you've all been waiting for. I have gotten off my fat, albeit cute, ass and put together the first of many instructional videos on how to cook. I'm starting you off slowly with a chopping demonstration. Carrots! Next, onions! Tomorrow, celery and the world! Ok, so I

Stocking the cupboard: Teaching Old Mother Hubbard how it's done.

2010-01-25T14:15:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine, the reason this site was spawned, recently went shopping and wanted some advice. Normally I would have gone with her, but I'm tired this weekend. When I go shopping for basics I try to think about shelf life, ease of use, likely hood of use and storage space. The worst thing to deal with is a crap ton of food that you won't cook during the week, letting it spoil and not having

King Arthur Flour: Scone Recipe

2010-01-17T19:42:00.001-05:00

Oh my GOD this recipe is probably the best one I have for scones. I made this recipe for people at my work, my mom, and my husband's co-workers and it got rave reviews. Follow the directions closely. They give very good instructions. Also, since you're baking you need to measure out your ingredients exactly as they are written in the recipe. No it won't kill your dough if you have a little extra

Risotto: Step Aside Rice-A-Roni

2010-01-02T14:39:00.001-05:00

For some reason Risotto is thought of as this Italian delicacy served in fancy restaurants. I blame Seinfeld. Risotto is peasant food! They took rice, cooked it in broth and ate it. There's no mystery in the making, no revelation that is being guarded by an armed staff of chefs. In fact I can show you how to make it right now and the only thing you'll really need is extra arm power, because it

Sauteed Spinach with Garlic: Eat your greens

2009-12-15T16:40:00.001-05:00

This is a sure fire way to use up spinach greens and not have to choke them down. If you got the hang of roasting garlic bulbs, you can use the cloves in this recipe. Otherwise fresh garlic works just fine. By the way, this is INSANELY easy to do. Your biggest worry is burning the garlic or spilling the spinach. What you'll need: frying pan tongs kitchen knife Ingredients: a bag or two of

The Starter Kitchen: Tools Part 2

2009-12-09T15:34:00.001-05:00

The second installation of what you NEED in the kitchen. Remember, these house-ware stores and As Seen On TV people will try to get you to buy more than you need. Don't. You work hard for that money! More Tools you need: Measuring spoons Ladle Spatula Colander & Sieve (and sometimes, a salad spinner) Baking Sheet/Cookie Sheet Serving Utensils Measuring Spoons More necessary in baking but

The Gravy Train Stops Here

2009-12-03T17:39:00.000-05:00

For the love of god and all that is good and holy, WHY do people insist on destroying gravy? I was lucky enough to dodge bad gravy this season, but I think back on what my father said to my mother the first time he brought her to his family's Thanksgiving, "don't touch the gravy. It's spackle." He was right. Eventually he broke down and chased his aunts out of the kitchen and commandeered the

The Starter Kitchen: Tools Part 1

2009-09-30T19:41:00.005-04:00

Congrats on your new veggie purchase! Trying new food is always a good thing. Now I'm gonna show you why to do with it. What you need: 1 zucchini a frying pan or grill pan ora steamer (bamboo is cheap)

Yay Pancakes!!!! .....from a box?

2008-06-21T11:55:00.012-04:00

Hey why not? People have done great things with cake mix and boxed mashed potatoes. There have also been tragedies in the same realm but you gotta take the good with the bad. Just don't expect me to eat it. On cool fall days and cold winter mornings, sometimes a hot sugary breakfast is desperately needed and sometimes required. Add a side of bacon to this and everyone is happy. Well, not the

The Cold Cut Platter: When it's too hot to cook

2008-06-11T20:27:00.006-04:00

We've had 90 degree days for a while and it's just too damn hot to cook. This is what you do when the cat is sticking to linoleum and the mercury threatens to blow. Go to the supermarket and get a bunch of cold cuts and some salad veggies. What you need: a large plate a regular knife Ingredients:

Pasta with Shrimp: It's easier than it sounds

2008-06-04T17:32:00.004-04:00

Ever wonder how some people can just go through the fridge and take whatever they find and make a great meal out of it? They'll grab leftover tuna, mustard and an old shoe and make a dish Martha Stewart would envy. Yeah I don't either, I just plot their death, however this recipe will show up those snot nosed brats. It could be classified as a quick meal but my standards for QM's involve only one

Snacks: The French (Connection) Platter

2008-05-27T21:23:00.006-04:00

Yeah, yeah, I know that was a stretch, but this snack is actually quite good. The French are known for good food and fine wines, but you don't have to live like a bohemian and break your bank to get the idea. The ingredients are simple, the set up is idiot proof, and I mean that. You'd have to staple the bread to the ceiling and microwave the fruit to get this wrong. Don't get any ideas! What

Quick Meal #2: BLT – Better Lunch This Time

2008-05-23T00:36:00.009-04:00

The BLT. Or as I call it, the forgotten sandwich. Why is it overlooked except for diners? Because in order to have a BLT you need to cook the bacon and that takes a little time. If you're the type to use the pre-cooked heat 'n' serve 'bacon', you better get the hell off my blog before I chase you across Manhattan with a skillet. I can do that now, I've been working out. I'm trying to teach you

The Sweet Spot #1: Chocolate Covered Strawberries

2008-05-16T19:45:00.015-04:00

Ah yes, the icon of Valentine's Day. Listen people, I've been eating these since way before some yuppie mid 90's throw back thought, “Hey we can market this to people for Valentine's Day!” It all started in Callie's Candy Kitchen in Mountainhome Pennsylvania way back when I was a little itty-bitty pain in the neck and not the super duper trouble maker and wise ass you see today. This man puts

Sauteed Onions: Meat's Best Friend

2008-05-12T12:19:00.011-04:00

You know there is a difference in degree of sauteed onions. Clarified, caramelized and incinerated. If you're the kind of person who likes their food burned beyond all recognition, then sod off, because we do real cooking here. I don't pander to the “put as much hot sauce on as you can to melt your lower intestine” crowd and I certainly won't tolerate any “I like my crap burned to an

Quick Meal #1: Steak & Bake

2008-05-04T01:42:00.012-04:00

This is a favorite at my house. Mostly because it's so easy to do and you can substitute steak for chicken breast or a slice of fish if you want to switch it up. What you'll need: steak(s) (shell cut is what I use) Idaho potato(es) box(s) of frozen broccoli or other vegetable boullion cube(s) a frying pan Step 1: Party of 3, 4 or 5? How many people are you cooking for? If it's just you than

Garlic: This Bulb by Any Other Name Still Stinks

2008-05-04T00:06:00.012-04:00

And how. Cook up these babies and you'll be reeking for a few days, but damn it's delicious. This segment will teach you how to make roasted garlic. After it's roasted you can mash it up and spread it on toasted baguettes, chop it up into a salad or throw whole cloves onto cooked pasta. Just don't come to my house with that dragon breath of yours. Ew. What you will need: garlic bulbs olive oil

Pasta: Olive Garden Can Kiss My Ass

2008-05-01T21:27:00.013-04:00

Alright people. Enough crimes have been committed in the name of pasta and it's time we ended this blood bath. I want you to repeat after me: Pasta is my friend. Pasta is my friend. Pasta should NEVER be cooked for more than EIGHT MINUTES! If you like pasta that is so mushy it's almost back to its basic form, then you are a bad person and should just open a can of Chef Boy-ar-dee, you heathen.

Soft or Hard: The Incredible (most of the time) Edible Egg

2008-04-30T18:46:00.019-04:00

This is a quick and easy way to have a low fat breakfast or a quick snack. Or if you're like me, this is how you start Easter Eggs. A friend of mine once told me she boiled two eggs for 16 minutes because she wasn't sure if they were cooked all the way through. Those eggs could survive a nuclear war! Eggs are not fickle creatures. They only need a few minutes at a rolling boil to be happy.

The Basics: Boiling Water

2008-04-30T18:02:00.019-04:00

Yes, you NEED to know this. Why? Because not knowing a rolling boil from a shimmer or a simmer can make or break your dinner. Always start with cold water. You may think using hot water will make things faster, and it will, but you'll be ingesting all kinds of sediment that has been lying around it the hot water tanks. Think about it people, most of you live in NYC and trust me, you have enough